Metal Battle 2004 @ Sherlocks

Week 3

Meet the Reviewer

Lexsis Jumps

First up . . . Lexsis Jumps

OK. It's week 3 and I've prepared mysely by swilling down 2 Guinness's before the bands even start. Damn they tasted good! Maybe it was a rough day . . .maybe it's been a rough 2 weeks....

These guys and gal had depth. Their arrangements utilized advanced compositional qualities such as dynamics and tempo shifts. The vocals ranged from all out screaming to perfectly executed melodic runs. All that from a 5'4" female powerhouse.

Bassist? Someone say they were missing a bassist? Their music had an original 'sound' and I was not bothered by the fact that there was no bass player. The drummer worked very well filling in the low end with the guitarists.

After listening to this act....all I could think of was it sounded like a mad, crazed Ani Defranco fronting Soundgarden.

Killer!

photo and review by The Reviewer © 2004

Viotech

Second . . . Viotech

So . . . I'm hanging out with some of the Gamsters from Treskelion, having a few glasses of Nierubian Rum ( only 11 bottles known to exist in the entire galaxy! ) When all of a sudden Viotech unleashes it's other-worldly death rock upon us. I turn to Terlaine, who also joined our group, and noticed a look of fear in his eyes! Were these guys musicians? Or part of a covert plot to overthrow Treskelion?

The Borg energy circle was smack dab in the center of stage. Giving Viotech energy? Exerting mind control on the patrons?

A closer inspection of the band members revealed the obvious. The Borg had assimilated The Predator, a couple Hirojens and Chuckie!

But the real question was . . . . Is this an invasion? Prelude to assimilation?

Apparently not. It seems that it took me so long to get to Treskelion that many things had changed in the Borg collective. Just like planting the same crop over and over in the same field . . . . reproduction among the Borg started to have a negative effect and they were experiencing genetic malfunctions. So much so . . . that it was discovered by their doctors that they would have to stop assimilating or die as a collective!!!

Well, you can only imagine the chaos. Without new species there would not be technological advancements. So they tuned into broadcasts from the one specie that gave them the most trouble - Humans!

The very first thing they saw was a signal from Kobo Hall in Detroit (1976). You guessed it! - KISS! They noticed how the thousands of drooling fans were paying homage to the band and concluded that this would be the way to make sure there was a cash flow so they could still develop massive weapons for destruction. AND. To brainwash humans into submission. ( that's different from assimilation )

Looks like their diabolical scheme might be working! As of this writing Viotech is in 1st place!!

photo and review by The Reviewer © 2004

Necropolis

Last . . . Necropolis

Well. I'm just about ready to write an expose on how all these metal bands are made up of frustrated guitarists when . . . all of a sudden I hear something strange. What is it? A sound effect from the system? NO. Keyboards! This is the first act to use keyboards in 3 weeks. Beautiful. Although they could have utilized the instrument a little more than they did. Hey! I'm not complaining! I'm gratefull. Deep Purple is my all time favorite because of Jon Lord and Ritchie Blackmore . . . more on that later.

Apparently, the bassist in Necropolis is doing double duty ( or moonlighting ) with Criminally Insane. Or is it the other way around?

Another act with quality musicians and good arrangements. I can picture perfectly the guitarist ( left ) doing a very tasty solo. Melodic with great tone. At this point I'm glad I am not judging because it is getting more difficult every week. Who to choose? Who is better? And Why?

Which brings me to the next story.....

It's 1:30 am. A few scraglers like the guys from Super #7, Trevor Huster and Karen Jeffries, John Hortsman, Bev and myself are celebrating the Conehead manifesto of consuming mass quantities!

Then . . . . an 8.5" x 11" piece of paper, which has decended from the office, starts to circulate. It's the standings as of week 3 freshly printed! So i'm observing this decree and all of a sudden I hear someone yelling! Who the hell is raising a rucus?

Crap. It's ME!

Something didn't seem right to me. I won't go into actual band names but, I thought a couple acts were definitely in the wrong order. So i start yelling about integrity, talent . . as opposed to parlor tricks. Remember now - I'm not a judge. But there was a couple judges standing next to me during this episode. . .

When all of a sudden one of the judges starts screaming at me about marketability and business stuff. and how if it weren't for Barry Manilow , record companies would have no money to sign Tom Waits.......or something like that. This argument, as you well know , is the exact opposite of artistry. For a few seconds I'm visualizing a fistfight - he seemed really angry!

Unfortunately for me his argument had merit and logic. So I was compelled to listen.

Hell!

In the end there was no fistfight. But one thing became clear.

US OLD GUYS ARE NUTS!

photo and review by The Reviewer © 2004

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Week 5
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